I thought I could be strong and handle it, just let it go....It was working - but I broke down. I started to force it into my head by reading articles about it and I broke down. I realized that 50 million people have this. It could affect my kids, my future relationships--if any, it affects my family, thanks to a freak accident as to how they all found out. It affects everything for the rest of my life. I have to live with the fact that by the time my niece and nephew grow up and want to have sex, that 90 million people will have this and they're going to have a 75 percent chance of getting, same goes for my future kids.
Right now at this point I don't see how I can be happy and just "get over this". I'm pissed, I'm hurt, and more than anything, I'm ashamed of myself. I'm not looking for sympathy in the least bit because maybe I deserved this for my own stupid actions--who knows? Right now I just simply don't understand.
I also have to deal with the fact that I passed it to someone I was dating that I thought was the one who gave it to me. And I haven't even had the balls to tell him that all the crap I blamed him for--wasn't even his fault.
So, I confronted my ex who did give it to me--as a Christmas gift mind you, knew about it and he never told me, and never would have. He thinks you can't pass it when you're not having an "OB" and even if you're not using a condom. His new girlfriend told me she also got it from him, and he never told her either. SO yes, I'm pissed. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Nothing. And you want to know what he told me after I knew? He told me "SO, FUCK OFF". Sweetie, isn't he?
I've been told to sue him--and FOR WHAT? A new body? A new life? The only thing I would accomplish is making a complete idiot out of myself and having 30 more people know about my new found and quite embarrassing (to me) problem.
My point is not to make anyone angry or feel like shit because of what I'm going through, I just needed to vent and as far as I know, that's what this is for?
Although I have realized I am not alone, and that I cant handle it, I don't even know if I want help in dealing with it. I believe there's a lot I have to deal with.